Things I used to forget before I had a place to write them down...etc.

From Et cetera

Occasionally I learn something new, and today I learned that there may well be big differences in who I think I am, what I think I ought to be good at and why I do the things I do versus where I actually belong. It turns out that although I have no "real world experience" in the things I enjoy doing, I am naturally more adept at them than the skills I acquire in the workplace. It seems strange to me that you can spend several years of your life working full-time in a skilled trade and thus get steadily better at what you do, but then turn around and try some long-lost hobby that you gave up many years ago only to discover that you're much better at that than you feel you could ever be at work, regardless of how much you learn.

The job I speak of is composed mainly of skills that apply exclusively to this kind of trade and although I have no trouble learning these specific skills, I lack rather substantially in the basics. Sure, I can repair a fried circuitboard for a touchscreen monitor, but for the life of me I can't figure out how to stick a piece of wood underneath a door to hold it open so people can start to load shit into a truck. Is this common? Are there other people who have held on to specific jobs for a long period of time because you thought you were good at it, only to discover that the only thing you're good at is learning and when it comes to those things that they don't teach you, those things they just take for granted, that's when you fold? Experience really is the best teacher and if I hold on to any job for long enough, I will no doubt acquire a pretty thorough understanding of how it's done. But experience with any job isn't going to change who you are and I find that there are some places where certain people just belong. In my case, although I feel I am pretty good at my job (ie. can repair a fried circuitboard for a touchscreen monitor) but by the very nature of my character, I don't belong there (ie. can't figure out how to put a piece of wood under a door to hold it open). Where do I belong? Well, I've done some thinking and I'm pretty sure I belong in the artistic side of things rather than the scientific. I guess this is just further evidence that what you enjoy may truly dictate your life's calling, but that's not the point I'm trying to make. Nevertheless, I can't help but think that choosing your job based on where you belong may not be a good idea.

Remember how I said that I know how to do my job, but I lack an understanding of the basics and that is why I feel I don't belong? Sure you do. Well, here's the other side of the coin. Suppose I change my career focus to something in the creative field, which is where I feel at home. I have innate skills in this field that I never lose even after years and years of creative inactivity. You might say, I have a thorough understanding of the basics. But, the quandary is, just because I belong there and just because I don't have to be taught from scratch doesn't necessarily mean that I'll be good at my job. Sure, suppose it is my life's calling, suppose the heavens created me specifically to make music, write books or paint fabulous paintings, so what? What if I'm just plain no good at it? I enjoy it, it kills time and I'm proud of the work that I do, but it's just not enough.

As I said, in my current job, I am fairly good at the specific skills required for me to get the job done. This is because I am good at learning. However, I'm no good at the basics because I don't have that inborn knowledge about it in this sort of field and nobody ever taught me from scratch. However, on the creative side of things, although I am naturally good at it, very little has been learned and very few of my specific skills in the creative field have improved. Is it perhaps the innate understanding of how creativity works that hinders me from learning more than I already know? I don't know the answer, but I'm sure it's very boring.