Things I used to forget before I had a place to write them down...etc.

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Now, I don't want to sound like a total wuss wussy McWusserson here, but I don't like being cold when I get out of the shower. I just loathe the sensation of being nice and warm under the shower, then turning it off and being bombarded by cold air and being completely exposed to its relentless onslaught from all directions. There's no defense! You're completely helpless unless you happened to be showering in a sauna.

What's the solution to this problem? Well, I don't believe there is a way to totally avoid the cold air problem when getting out of the shower, but I do think that there is at least some minor defensive tactics that can be put into effect. Over the years, I've developed a complex system of exiting the shower and then drying oneself with the appropriate towels as well as a few built-in human drying tools.

When I first thought of providing this idea to the millions of people who visit my webpage every day, I thought, "Well, how can I convey the "rubber squeegee/webbed hands pre-drying" methodology with words. Would I be right in saying that you don't know what I'm talking about when I say that? Exactly my point. So, the only way to viably communicate this drying method was through pictures. So, along with my vague text description, below is a picture-by-picture explanation of how to dry oneself. It may just be the strangest page on this site.

Stage 1 - Before Showering...

Those of you who shower in a bathtub with a shower curtain, needn't worry about doing this. You see, the reason for this towel being there is to provide an itsy-bitsy bit of extra insulation to retain maximum heat within the shower cubicle once you've turned off the hot water. Towels are not usually large enough to cover the area provided by a bathtub-based shower, so there's not much you can do. However, do ensure that Towel 1 is within easy reach of your bathtub so you can retrieve it without stepping outside of the tub.

You might have some difficulty getting the towel to balance properly over the edge of your shower door/rod, but trust me, with a little patience, you'll get it to stay to the point where you can open and close the door without it falling off. The idea here is to have easy access to Towel 1 from inside the shower, as well as providing a small bit of extra insulation in the form of 100% cotton against the cold air trying to get inside.

Stage 2 - In the Shower...

So, you're in the shower, you've done your shampooing and washing and are presently just standing there, letting the loving warmth of your home's water heating system surround you in perfect ecstasy. Sure, you have no reason to be in the shower any longer, but you stay because it's warm and you have nowhere else to be. Besides, it's Sunday...you can take a long shower on a Sunday, can't you? Well, yes you can, but you have a couple of options. Enjoy it while you can, but if you stay too long, the hot water will run out and suddenly it's not so comfy anymore and you want desperately to GET OUT because it's like being hit with a firing squad of supersoakers while resting in a tanning bed. To avoid this problem, I recommend the second option: enjoy it for a longer-than-usual period of time, but then exit the shower before the water turns cold using my patented method of drying oneself.

Building Humidity Cushions: Exercises in Wasting Water

Okay, so you're ready to get out of the shower. First you have to make a brave move that may not be possible in every single shower in the world (but should be thanks to adjustable showerheads). You need to stand away from the stream of water, completely outside its range of fire.

The next step is another brave one, though. You must turn off the hot water and then return to your position at the centre of the shower. From this position, you can enjoy the humidity build-up that you have created by allowing the mist to rise around in the shower. These cushions of warm air should be sufficient to allow you to move on to the next step and hopefully complete it before the merciless wrath of chilly indoor air strikes its icy hammer on the whole operation.

You may be tempted to reach for Towel 1 as it dangles so close to you and the air cushions begin to dissipate. However, resist, friends! There's work to be done beforehand!

Webbed Hands: Duck Methodology

At this point, you should be soaked in relatively hot water as the air temperature begins to drop. Being wet means that you will get colder faster, so you have to dry yourself off as best you can without a towel before exiting the shower.

How is this possible, you ask??

Well, we humans have a clear advantage in the self-drying department over most other mammals: webbed hands! Well, not significantly webbed like a duck or anything, but there is some webbing, for sure.

Now, the squeegee method of taking advantage of human webbing obviously doesn't dry you off perfectly, but it helps to minimize the amount of moisture on your body that the rapidly building cold air seems to love so much. Here's a visual representation of how best to employ your very own innate human squeegee, as it is rather difficult to explain in words:

Tools you didn't even know you had!	Amaze your friends!	Revolutionize the Duck Impersonation Industry!

But gasp! Now that your steam supply is no longer in production, some colder air is bound to start making its way into the shower.

It Takes Two: A Towel of a Good Time

But fear not! You are not helpless thanks to Towel 1. Grab the short end of Towel 1 that is draped over the edge of the shower door and pull it over to your side.

Note: Do not open the door, else you will have failed.

Once you've got Towel 1 with you in the shower, use it to dry yourself off as best you can in the limited physical space that the shower offers you.

Odds are you'll only be able to get your arms and parts of your legs dry completely before the water from your own body will render the towel pretty much useless. Wrap yourself in that towel and....here it comes....open the shower door and step outside!

Stage 3 - Outside the Shower...

Now...we must emerge from our comfort zone and face the elements...

The cold air strikes mercilessly, so when opening the shower door to get out, be sure to open it slowly. After all, a swift swinging door could potentially lead to a draft that wouldn't have been there otherwise. We must conserve heat in all facets of drying oneself for maximum heat retention.

As you close the shower door, be sure to be wearing your towel as though it were a coat to block out the majority of the cold air that is building in the bathroom. At this point, Towel 1 has served its duty well, but it's time to move on. Towel 1 spent a lot of time collecting a bunch of moisture off of you and off of the shower walls and floors. Therefore, it's now sopping wet and a pretty pitiful sight when you're looking for something to finish drying you off.

But wait!!

Remember Towel 2!

It's conveniently placed within your reach just outside the shower. Grab Towel 2 and proceed with the final drying procedure, leaving you perfectly dry in a room with a misty mirror from your adventures in steam.

I find that this method is effective in most households with normal heating systems. It's not perfect, of course, but then, what is? Nevertheless, as the temperature of your surroundings drops, I find that my ideas compensate fairly nicely. And it's all thanks to Towels 1, 2 and of course, the human webbed hands squeegee system. Try it out! I expect no royalties whatsoever. Totally free of charge. C'mon, I've got an honest face...